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mental health relationship

HOW TO GET OVER AN EX

So, you have finally pulled yourself apart from that toxic person in your life – or maybe things just weren’t meant to be, or perhaps both? Well, the rules are very similar when it comes to getting over an ex that you aren’t meant to be with and have both agreed to move on, and a toxic ex that you should avoid at all costs because they will make your life hell.

So the first thing that you need to do might be one of the most painful – the pictures. You gotta take them off your phone, and I am not saying you have to delete them all! Just import them to your computer and save them as memories, because it’s true – they are! But, having such easy contact with these photos are nothing but a bad idea. Looking at memories of when times were good and things weren’t messy often clouds our better judgement.

Second, if you find yourself having a difficult time resisting the urge to text them – it’s time to block. Don’t overthink it, you are doing this for yourself and your sanity.

My third tip would be to try and surround yourself with friends and continuously fill your schedule up so that you aren’t alone- at least for the first few weeks or so. I found that I felt great until I got home and went into my room where I truly felt alone with my own thoughts. Try to facetime friends and family, pick up a hobby, work work work! Anything to get your mind off of it.

Fourth tip, FIND YOURSELF. This is the time to really focus in on YOU. Who are you? Do you have hobbies? Do you like things that weren’t because of your partner? What are your morals? Do you have goals? It’s time to work on yourself and focus on bettering yourself and accomplishing your goals. Pick a goal and really put in the effort to accomplish it. Journal your thoughts and try to get to know yourself as best as you can. You are so important, when is a better time to get to know who you truly are than now?

My final tip would be to move on. Yep, easier said than done. Well, I don’t mean get into another relationship (please don’t do this) but don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and have some fun. It’s another way to distract yourself, while also having fun and meeting new people. Ever heard the phrase “get over by getting under”? It’s a phrase for a reason, I’m just saying.

Don’t be afraid to really confide in your friends and family, but get yourself out of that rut as fast as you can. You will be okay, this too shall pass.

*Header image is by @janina_73 via picsart

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hobbies lifestyle mental health relationship

How to be a Better Partner

Thinking about your past relationships, it can be so easy to point out your ex-partner’s flaws and issues. They were the reason it all went to shit, right? They weren’t the best partner – they had their own issues. You hope that they fix them for their next relationship, whoever that poor sucker is. But wait – I said that is the easy way. It can be so easy to point those out, but we often don’t take very much time to truly look in the mirror and figure out how we can better ourselves and become better partners. Often, both partners in a relationship can point out the other’s flaws or issues but they fail to point out their own, or if they do – work to change it.

Taking a step back is the first and most important part of being a better partner. Listen to what your partner is saying or what was said, but do not get caught up in it. Try to weed out the actual issue that was at hand. Maybe your partner found that you were being too “bossy”? Or, you were on your phone too much? If things like that sprung up an argument, take it into consideration. For example, try not to be on your phone as much – make a point of putting your phone down during meals, while talking with people etc. The point is – take time to listen and work on the issue even if you didn’t think it was your issue at first. A relationship needs communication and compromise.

When getting into a new relationship – focus on your partner and keep in mind the things that went wrong in your other relationship but be very careful not to let it weigh you down or interfere with this current relationship. Starting over with someone new can feel like a fresh start! Don’t let your previous relationship ruin the excitement – but keep a few tid bits in the back of your head to potentially avoid future issues. It’s all about growth.

However, I think that the real solution to becoming a better partner is ultimately becoming a better person in general. Getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, eating healthier – these things are actually all very valid for ensuring a healthy relationship. Often, if a partner is lacking in any of these areas – it can make them more irritable, off balanced etc. essentially leading to petty arguments that might not have even happened if they felt balanced. Also, not to mention that mental health plays a massive role in all relationships including friendships. So, really take those steps to bettering your mental and physical health to become an overall better person.

Another good idea to help bring the fun back into the relationship is to do something new! If your relationship consists of Netflix and eating out, try taking a hike together or trying a new hobby like painting, biking, playing pool or cards. The point is – do more together and enjoy each other’s company. It doesn’t have to consist of a lot of money or travelling to a different country – even simple things like taking nightly walks together would be beneficial to your relationship.

If there are more serious issues that are reoccurring in your relationship, it could be a good idea to get counselling to root through the problems and get that spark flickering again. Love shouldn’t feel like a battle. Embrace each other – you are on the same team.

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Uncategorized

A Letter To Me

Dear me,

I am sorry for putting you through stress and anxiety. I am sorry for the shaking and the tears. I did not know that you were strong enough. I didn’t have faith that you could do better than this. I trained your brain to believe this was love, to hold onto it so tightly your knuckles ached. Nobody else could love you. I let you become so small, fragile and weak. Unsure of your own opinions and own thoughts, constantly over thinking your own values and who you were until you became so lost. I allowed you to be brainwashed with “I’m sorry” and “You make me act like this” and “I love you”. I allowed the cruel words to be spit at you, I allowed you to break. But that’s what I had to do, these things are what helped you grow. You grew and became strong, you realized your worth and you left, because you ARE worthy of love and kindness. I am sorry that it took you so long to come to terms with it, but you found it on your own. The tears are dry now, you are okay. I will never allow a man to step on you again, to spit at you, to yell and scream. You are not small.

I have learned to love you, even on bad days. The mirror is your friend, you are wonderful and happy and full of life now. Keep it. Hold onto this. This is love, self-love.

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For the love of Valentines…

Now, I am writing this as a happily taken girl, so there will be a *little* bit of bias here and there.

To start the conversation, why is Valentines a holiday? Well, this day is known for its romance and celebrating a couples love through gifts, dates, flowers etc. to name a few. But in reality, Valentine’s day and where it came from is actually quite morbid. It’s history revolves around Christianity and Lupercalia which is an ancient Roman fertility festival (what?!) that is held from February 13th to the 15th which is said to be the reason why Valentine’s day is the 14th. What happened was that each teenage boy would draw a name of a girl to be paired with for that year and the women were obligated to be with that boy under the Roman law. These relationships often led to marriage. Other stories are much more disturbing and the Romans would sacrifice a dog and a goat for purification and fertility. Then, the women were said to have been slapped with goat hide as it was believed to make them more fertile (hence the Lupercalia) thus leading into the name drawing and marriage.

Aren’t we glad to be living in the grand year of 2020 where women (in most countries) are now free to make their choices of whom to marry and when?!

Personally, Valentine’s day is seen as a joke to many but I still love the day and commercialization that society has put into it. I am a sucker for a sappy card and flowers…dinner date nights??? Count me in.

Sincerely,

Your Valentine 💘

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Uncategorized

Holiday Gift Ideas for the Boyfriend

‘Tis the season for gift giving and gathering around the Christmas tree. It is a wonderful time of year. Now, I know if you’re like me – I care way too much about what gifts to buy and also trying to save a few pennies whilst doing it. It is quite the difficult task, especially if you just end up going to the shopping centre without a plan in mind. Here’s a few gift ideas for that special guy in your life, you can mix and match them to suit your man!

Let’s Talk About DIY Gifts…

So, it is totally up to you what kind of gift to get your partner. But, personally I like to be a *sappy* girlfriend and go for the DIY presents, or at least DIY ideas per say. To pull on those heart strings, think back to what you and your partner do together. Do you two play cards together? Do you love board games? Scrabble? What about physical activities like skating? When thinking of what to get them, try to focus on something you both love or have in common to do your DIY gift. A few examples could include:

52 Reasons Why I Love You
Disclaimer: This is my photo and I created these cards
The Five Senses
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it
A Picture Frame with Written Words
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.

Gifts Based on Interest

Then, try to think of what he likes. Is he a sports guy? Does he love finance? Maybe he’s a movie fanatic or video gamer? Here’s a few examples of some gifts based on interests:

A Duffle Bag Full of Sports/Gym Related Items
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.
Engraved Pocket Knife
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.
Nike Lover (and other gifts)
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.
Men’s Giftbox
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.
Hockey Puck Love
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.
Engraved Watch
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.

Overall, you can mix and match these for Christmas, Anniversary, Valentines etc. The point is to know your guy and think outside of the box. I hope these ideas helped!

Happy Holidays & Merry Christmas 🎄

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Dear Stress, I think we should see other people.

Dear Stress,

It’s not me…It’s you. Lately, you’ve been just a little too much for me to handle and I think that it’s best if we go our separate ways. You have such low energy, you’re always up in the night talking about random things – keeping me awake all hours, and leading me to be exhausted in the mornings. Stress. I’m truly sorry to be blunt but you give me the WORST headaches, it feels like a clamp is tightening around my skull all the way down to my back. These headaches and exhaustion just make me into such a grouchy tense person and I think that my other relationships and social life are suffering because of it. Not to mention, you’re not really that nice to me. We are constantly in an argument, I get a little overwhelmed and you just explode! I know that we have some good times, and maybe we can hangout when you’re feeling a bit on the motivational side but If I’m being honest, you make me sick to my stomach usually and I mean that quite literally. I just don’t feel right when I’m with you. My whole body just feels like a heavy weight. I think I need some time to de-stress, and possibly have a glass of wine. I need to establish more balance in my life and learn how to break large tasks down into smaller ones to avoid getting overwhelmed, I just need more organized life back. Stress, you’re probably really insulted but I promise you that we will meet again – but it might be for good reason this time, take some time to collect yourself and get back to being the good stress that I used to love. This is for the both of us.

Sincerely,

The girl that’s getting her life back on track