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A Letter To Me

Dear me,

I am sorry for putting you through stress and anxiety. I am sorry for the shaking and the tears. I did not know that you were strong enough. I didn’t have faith that you could do better than this. I trained your brain to believe this was love, to hold onto it so tightly your knuckles ached. Nobody else could love you. I let you become so small, fragile and weak. Unsure of your own opinions and own thoughts, constantly over thinking your own values and who you were until you became so lost. I allowed you to be brainwashed with “I’m sorry” and “You make me act like this” and “I love you”. I allowed the cruel words to be spit at you, I allowed you to break. But that’s what I had to do, these things are what helped you grow. You grew and became strong, you realized your worth and you left, because you ARE worthy of love and kindness. I am sorry that it took you so long to come to terms with it, but you found it on your own. The tears are dry now, you are okay. I will never allow a man to step on you again, to spit at you, to yell and scream. You are not small.

I have learned to love you, even on bad days. The mirror is your friend, you are wonderful and happy and full of life now. Keep it. Hold onto this. This is love, self-love.

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For the love of Valentines…

Now, I am writing this as a happily taken girl, so there will be a *little* bit of bias here and there.

To start the conversation, why is Valentines a holiday? Well, this day is known for its romance and celebrating a couples love through gifts, dates, flowers etc. to name a few. But in reality, Valentine’s day and where it came from is actually quite morbid. It’s history revolves around Christianity and Lupercalia which is an ancient Roman fertility festival (what?!) that is held from February 13th to the 15th which is said to be the reason why Valentine’s day is the 14th. What happened was that each teenage boy would draw a name of a girl to be paired with for that year and the women were obligated to be with that boy under the Roman law. These relationships often led to marriage. Other stories are much more disturbing and the Romans would sacrifice a dog and a goat for purification and fertility. Then, the women were said to have been slapped with goat hide as it was believed to make them more fertile (hence the Lupercalia) thus leading into the name drawing and marriage.

Aren’t we glad to be living in the grand year of 2020 where women (in most countries) are now free to make their choices of whom to marry and when?!

Personally, Valentine’s day is seen as a joke to many but I still love the day and commercialization that society has put into it. I am a sucker for a sappy card and flowers…dinner date nights??? Count me in.

Sincerely,

Your Valentine 💘

college · study · university

Midterm Blues

The dreaded midterm blues are here for all you college and university students. This time around, you’re going to kill it. Don’t let these midterms take over your sanity.

First things first – be prepared. Personally, I have learned from my mistakes (and I have continued to make these same mistakes semester after semester until I finally said enough!) and I have tried my best to simply PREPARE. Now, this can be done pretty easily if you attend every class and take great notes. But, if you’ve missed a class or two – make sure to ask a friend (well in advance of the midterm!!!!) if you could copy their notes. Without notes, it is super hard for most people to be prepared for midterm exams, it is extremely hard to sit down and go through an entire textbook because almost half of it is full of jargon that will most likely not be on the actual exam.

Second, studying even when you don’t feel like it. Trust me – I know it is easier said than done. But, this step is crucial for the above step to work. It certainly does not have to be long either, break it up so that it doesn’t seem as taunting. For example, study a little bit every day after class to ensure that all of the information that you’ve just learned actually resonates with you. Take your notes home, and sit down for 20 minutes then grab a snack and get on with the rest of your day.

Third step/tip is to know when to seek extra help. At the start of the semester, it may be beneficial to get extra help after class right away to get you on the right track. Typically, the school you are going to may have extra resources that you can go to during certain times where they touch on certain subjects to help students that might be struggling. But, another way you can do this is to form yourself a little study group. With the people sitting around you, ask if any of them would like to form a study group to prepare for the upcoming exam – or reach out via a facebook group (if your school has one).

Fourth and my most useful tip is to re-write. I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my note taking, however, these notes do not mean I am an amazing student. But, it means that I genuinely take my time to ensure that the knowledge gets stuck inside my head while also ensuring that my notes look neat and tidy. Whenever I try to write out my notes in class, I tend to write them very quickly and usually messy so I like to go in after and re-write them adding key points, highlighting, starring important phrases etc. This also works a ton if you use your laptop for note-taking, when you are done typing – write it out! It is known that re-writing something actually ensures that you are really reading it rather than mindlessly typing it.

Remember, we are all different learners and all have different ways to study so this list is kind of a universal study tip list. If you need extra help – remember that it is not embarrassing, and it is actually crucial for you to get that extra help in order to pass or get a better mark. Your success and learning is what matters most!

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Holiday Gift Ideas for the Boyfriend

‘Tis the season for gift giving and gathering around the Christmas tree. It is a wonderful time of year. Now, I know if you’re like me – I care way too much about what gifts to buy and also trying to save a few pennies whilst doing it. It is quite the difficult task, especially if you just end up going to the shopping centre without a plan in mind. Here’s a few gift ideas for that special guy in your life, you can mix and match them to suit your man!

Let’s Talk About DIY Gifts…

So, it is totally up to you what kind of gift to get your partner. But, personally I like to be a *sappy* girlfriend and go for the DIY presents, or at least DIY ideas per say. To pull on those heart strings, think back to what you and your partner do together. Do you two play cards together? Do you love board games? Scrabble? What about physical activities like skating? When thinking of what to get them, try to focus on something you both love or have in common to do your DIY gift. A few examples could include:

52 Reasons Why I Love You
Disclaimer: This is my photo and I created these cards
The Five Senses
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it
A Picture Frame with Written Words
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.

Gifts Based on Interest

Then, try to think of what he likes. Is he a sports guy? Does he love finance? Maybe he’s a movie fanatic or video gamer? Here’s a few examples of some gifts based on interests:

A Duffle Bag Full of Sports/Gym Related Items
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.
Engraved Pocket Knife
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.
Nike Lover (and other gifts)
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.
Men’s Giftbox
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.
Hockey Puck Love
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.
Engraved Watch
Disclaimer: This is not my photo, I have linked the photo to where I found it.

Overall, you can mix and match these for Christmas, Anniversary, Valentines etc. The point is to know your guy and think outside of the box. I hope these ideas helped!

Happy Holidays & Merry Christmas 🎄

Tesla

Tesla Cyber-Truck

Tesla had one of their many live-streams where they unveiled yet another futuristic vehicle. This time, Elon Musk unveiled their “Cyber Truck”. This truck has been speculated over the past few months, hundreds of different pictures of what people thought the truck would look like. But, once the livestream revealed the truck – nothing compared. This vehicle looks like a futuristic army vehicle – being stainless steel, bullet proof, scratch proof, dent proof etc. This truck is a total MONSTER. With the base model only being a mere $39k, Tesla’s competitors don’t stand a chance. The speed tests were unbelievable, as Elon showed statistics where the 0-60mph was hit in just 2.9 seconds. Fully self-driving. This truck can TOW over 14 THOUSAND pounds with air suspension that adjusts on the fly with what you have in the cargo, and the tug of war test proves just that as the Ford F-150 stood no chance to the Cyber Truck as it got dragged with ease up-hill. But, what disappointed many viewers including Elon was the shocking mistake of a broken window. The team tested the armoured glass window itself first, dropping steel balls from tall heights…The glass didn’t break, scratch or leave a mark. But, when Elon’s demonstrator tested it out on the actual vehicle on stage…Well, the windows smashed. Elon’s vibe totally plummeted as he told the audience that he didn’t know why it didn’t hold up there. It’s a shame that the test failed, but Elon kept presenting and the audience remained intrigued. At the end of the livestream, Elon dropped another surprise unveil which turned out to be an ATV that loaded into the truck and charged itself in the back. What a livestream. Another job well done, Tesla.

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to the one who is always there

You are so so appreciated and loved. I may not express it enough in words, but I see you.

When I struggle to climb out of bed or go to work or go to the gym or even just take my vitamins – you are there to help me. You lift me up, you pull me out of bed with love and kisses, you inspire me to be better and to work hard. When my days are roughs and my brain plays tricks on me, you are there to comfort. To hold. Thank you for being so genuine, thoughtful, kind and gentle with me.

To the one who carries my groceries, who helps me do laundry, who takes turns washing dishes. You make everyday tasks so much easier. You are a help. These things that may seem little to you do not go unnoticed.

To the one who buys me coffee when I’m behind you in the drive thru, thank you for setting my heart on fire with only a dollar. You excite me and surprise me in the weirdest ways.

To the one who sings with me in the car, belting out the words to Shallow and rapping along to Childish Gambino and Hopsin, I have so much fun with you. Our crazy (and totally extra) dance moves are what make my smile go all the way up to my ears. The little kisses on my hands as you drive with your other one. I love being myself with you. I love being happy.

I thank you for bringing me so much joy and fun and laughter. You are always there, in the low times and the high. I appreciate you & the small things you do, they never go unnoticed.

So thank you, for being there.

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The IUD

It came up when I was talking with some friends and the different types of birth control. I had seen others have used it and there were so many pros and cons, and horror stories. But, there were also success stories. I had researched it for months and then finally decided to talk to my doctor on my next visit. I told him that I was debating either an IUD or the Depo Shot…He advised me to see a gyno and booked me an appointment. It took about a month or two to get an actual appointment, but then it all happened very quickly. I went in for my consultation and asked about side effects, which of course there were including cramping – but for me, I have always had terrible cramping during my periods and if this even lightened it a little bit I would be happy. Also, she told me that the Kyleena is her favourite form of birth control and she recommends it to everyone. The main reason was convenience for most but also the fact that it worked at a rate of over 99% effectively. That means less than 1 out of 100 people who have an IUD will get pregnant each year. There also was a possibility of lighter periods, and eventually not having a period. I was locked in.

Retrieved from BAYER

So, I went home that day and sat down at my laptop thinking…It’s going to hurt. I’ve heard horror stories of girls having surgery to remove it because it was excruciating pain. I typed every single thing I could think of into the search bar. Do IUDs hurt? On a scale of 1-10 what is the pain level of an IUD? What is the chance of an IUD going wrong? Let me tell you…Google is not always your friend. My stomach dropped and I felt very faint, I don’t know if this is right for me. I got scared. But I didn’t cancel the appointment, this was a one and done kind of deal. It lasts for 5 years, and the insertion will probably hurt but it’s just once. I kept trying to reassure myself. I went and picked up the prescription from my local Shoppers Drug Mart and it came in a HUGE box. I didn’t open it. It was really expensive too, luckily I had a bit of coverage from being in school. Eventually the big day came around. My boyfriend drove me to the gyno and sat outside of the office and waited for me. One of the doctors came in to calm me down, as she could tell I was tense and proceeded to tell me that it is going to hurt a lot, to be prepared for it and when it’s over not to sit up right away because I will most likely faint. Was that really her way of calming a patient down? I thought it was ridiculous and I wish she never came in. I took a deep breath and laid on table, they had a picture taped to the ceiling of some clouds and I tried to focus on that until my gyno came in. She finally did after a few minutes (felt like a lot longer) and she smiled and said “ready to go?” and honestly, she was genuinely calm and collected and that soothed me a LOT more than the other lady. She told me it’s not a big deal, it won’t hurt a lot and she’s done this many times before. It will just feel like a bit of cramping, no worries. When it finally came down to it, it didn’t hurt a ton. My pain tolerance isn’t very high and she was right – it felt like cramping because my body is trying to understand where this foreign object came from. It was nothing like what Google said. Nothing like what the previous doctor said. Nothing like the horror stories. I brought my boyfriend because I felt that after the appointment I wouldn’t be able to drive myself home, but I was perfectly fine! I strolled out of the office and thanked my gyno. I ran out to meet my boyfriend and he asked me how I felt, and it was no big deal. I am protected for 5 years (or whenever I would like to have it removed if I want it before that). My advice to any girls going to get theirs is to not let your mind trick you and scare you, because the truth is you really have to relax your muscles and if you tense up that is what will hurt you. Just relax and breathe. Like always, I would like to put a disclaimer that you should ALWAYS talk to your doctor first to see if this is right for you. All experiences are different and I just wanted to put my personal experience out there!

Thanks loves x

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Dear Stress, I think we should see other people.

Dear Stress,

It’s not me…It’s you. Lately, you’ve been just a little too much for me to handle and I think that it’s best if we go our separate ways. You have such low energy, you’re always up in the night talking about random things – keeping me awake all hours, and leading me to be exhausted in the mornings. Stress. I’m truly sorry to be blunt but you give me the WORST headaches, it feels like a clamp is tightening around my skull all the way down to my back. These headaches and exhaustion just make me into such a grouchy tense person and I think that my other relationships and social life are suffering because of it. Not to mention, you’re not really that nice to me. We are constantly in an argument, I get a little overwhelmed and you just explode! I know that we have some good times, and maybe we can hangout when you’re feeling a bit on the motivational side but If I’m being honest, you make me sick to my stomach usually and I mean that quite literally. I just don’t feel right when I’m with you. My whole body just feels like a heavy weight. I think I need some time to de-stress, and possibly have a glass of wine. I need to establish more balance in my life and learn how to break large tasks down into smaller ones to avoid getting overwhelmed, I just need more organized life back. Stress, you’re probably really insulted but I promise you that we will meet again – but it might be for good reason this time, take some time to collect yourself and get back to being the good stress that I used to love. This is for the both of us.

Sincerely,

The girl that’s getting her life back on track

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it’s okay to not have your entire life figured out

Ever since I could remember, I have always been asked by aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers etc. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” My answers changed over the years from princess to mommy to teacher to author to journalist etc. But, as I write this post I am still not entirely sure of what is going to be my path. I am in school for Child & Youth Studies, when I accepted my offer I had plans to become an elementary teacher. But even over these past couple of weeks that I have been in class, I am slowly changing my mind. What other opportunities are there? What other careers can I strive for? I don’t want to waste my money on tuition, books, parking etc (however, I am so so thankful that this university in particular has free parking!!!) and then end up not knowing what the heck to do at the end of it all. It is scary. But, we have time. It may feel like time is running out, and that quite possibly you may be nearing the end of your current school program. But, do your research, find different options, try different things out and keep focused. I have found it’s also really helpful to ask different people who are already in the field you may be thinking of what their experience is like among other questions. I have a couple family members who are teachers and I’ve learned a lot of different things that I didn’t know before and I’ve gotten a lot of insight. Networking and making those connections can ultimately lead you to greater opportunities, doors that were never there before and also an opportunity to get to know the career choice before getting too far in. I think that may also be another factor in to why I am re-thinking becoming a teacher because now I have some insight as well as I am a little bit more knowledgeable about other career choices that I didn’t even know there were. I think that the ability to be open minded will lead you to doors that others may not have the chance to open. Go with the flow while still remaining focused. Be open minded, willing to try new things, learn new things and it will change your entire outlook and possibly your entire career path. Something I have also found useful is that when I was in college for Early Childhood Education, I only took it to bridge into my current university program. I knew (or what I thought I knew) that the only career option for that ECE program was essentially to become an ECE. But by the end of the program, I had been involved in placements, presentations and had the chance to talk with people who were high up in the field and I actually found that there were so many more options in this field other than just being an ECE. Moral of the story is, trust the path you’re on. Find out more and try to continuously learn, You don’t have to have your whole life figured out yet because things change and the only option is to keep finding new opportunities and to have that open mindset.

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how to go to the damn gym

So, I’ve had such a love/hate relationship with the gym for years. I see (and follow) a ton of fitness girls on instagram such as Tammy Hembrow, Gabby Scheyen, Caroline Omahony, Shannon Henry just to name a few. I’ve idolized these girls for their dedication and their ability to wake up everyday and get their asses to the gym while also maintaining a great diet I might add. So, if I idolize these people so much why don’t I try to improve myself and just do it? Well, to be frank – it’s what I like to call gym anxiety. The times that I feel motivated and ready to hustle and actually make it to the gym, I immediately feel regret as soon as I park my car. It sets in. I’m here. Now, maybe the gym anxiety comes from not knowing how to use every single machine there? Or maybe the fear of people looking at me while I work out or judging me on the light weights that I use. Whatever it is, my mind is truly taking advantage of this whole experience for me. I wish I could just shut it off and go in there, crush a workout and leave happy. My solution lately has been going with my boyfriend and practically following him around doing his workout routine because I get too scared to do my own. The truth is, nobody is looking at you. Everyone is there for the same reason and everyone started where I am now – doing those light weights and getting used to the machines and the environment. The hard facts are that nobody really cares that I’m there or not, they are focused on their success and their improvements physically. So, I have decided to do the same. I know that every time I park my car at the gym, that sneaky gym anxiety shivers through my body and so I have found a few solutions that are helpful for me and might be helpful for anyone else who has the same issue.

Number one – headphones. I like to wear my airpods (yep, basic) and I’ve already compiled a list of songs that are geared towards pumping me up, which are typically hip-hop and a little EDM. I’ve named it GYM and so far I have about 40 songs. The music helps to get me into my own little zone and I enjoy my workouts 1000x more with music playing anyways.

Number two – wear a hat. Hats are great for the gym because a) don’t worry about your hair frizzing from the sweat and b) it gives off a “don’t talk to me” vibe. Now, that vibe isn’t to be rude, it’s more of a “I am here for the sole purpose of working out”. I also think it gives me a bit more confidence for some reason (?)

Number three – plan ahead. I know that whenever I don’t plan my routine, I end up just walking over to the treadmills and I feel super awkward about not knowing what to do next. Planning ahead will make sure you’re prepared for the workout and know where to go, which reduces the anxiety and stress! I actually purchased a workout plan from Gabby Sheyen called Gabby Gains Guide Vol. 2.

Number four – grab a partner! Now, I normally go with my boyfriend. But his workouts aren’t exactly perfect for what I am trying to accomplish. He is trying to grow his arms and chest like most men, and I’m trying to grow my legs, glutes and overall tone my entire body. I will still do arm exercises of course – those aren’t crossed off the list. But, try to grab a partner who has the same goals as you such as another girl friend.

Number five – pre-workout. This is completely optional. Pre-workout is not for everyone. But, I like to use Rivalus Powder Burn 2.0 in the flavour Orange. It’s not too extreme but it gives me some energy and gets me extra pumped to go to the gym, and it also forces me to stick to it because it’s not exactly good for you to just take pre-workout and skip your workout.

I hope these tips helped a few of you that may have the same issue as I do. If any of you purchase the Gabby Gains Guide, there’s a facebook group that’s called Gain With Gabby and it’s basically just a group of girls that are all in the same boat and want to improve their fitness/health! They are super supportive and it’s a sweet group, even if you haven’t purchased it you can still join, it kind of helps to know that there’s lots of other people who are feeling the same way.

Til next time, my dudes.